On Immortality

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
Woody Allen

A toy which people cry for,
And on their knees apply for,
Dispute, contend and lie for,
And if allowed
Would be right proud
Eternally to die for
Ambrose Bierce

T-shirt humor

I’m running out of places to hide the bodies! Don’t piss me off...

To err is human, to blame it on someone else shows management potential.

You'll always be my best friend, you know too much!

I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.

Encyclopedia For Sale

The add in the newspaper: Encyclopedia Britannica for sale. No longer needed. Got married last month. My wife knows everything.

On Fire

When you are on fire, people WILL get out of your way.
Richard Pryor